


The Most Adorable Mechs on Cybertron

by EHSparkwoman



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Crossdressing, Gen, Humiliation, I'm going on The List for this, Paintball, Public Humiliation, Public Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 10:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18990751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EHSparkwoman/pseuds/EHSparkwoman
Summary: There's a party being held in the Decepticon base; and the Scavengers want to go. Too bad its officers only. Unless they can win tickets some how... This leads to a game of paintball with the D.J.D. and a whole lot of humiliation for the losers!





	The Most Adorable Mechs on Cybertron

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own Transformers; it belongs to whoever created it. I do, however own quite an army of Transformers toys. Yeah… don’t even know where this idea came from. Possibly from a need to humiliate the Decepticon Justice Division (which I would be put on The List for). Or maybe I just wanted to write a non-violent D.J.D. vs Scavengers fic. Speech written in bold is supposed to be in Primal Vernacular. Definitely AU; but don’t ask me what kind of AU it is. Also, a nanoklik is roughly a second, a cycle is about an hour and a quarter and a breem is 8.3 minutes.

“Hey! Check this out!” Misfire pointed at a flyer on the bulletin board.

“A party? Why would you want to go to one of those?” Crankcase glared at the flyer. It wasn’t too different from his default expression.

“To have fun; get overcharged and let loose!” Misfire raised both arms; clearly looking forward to it.

“One problem Misfire. It says officers only.” Krok pointed to the little box at the bottom.

“What? So we can’t go.” Misfire visibly deflated.

“Then how come I heard the Justice Division were all going? Only Tarn is an officer.” Flywheels pointed out; folding his arms in annoyance.

“Good question. Why don’t we ask them?” Spinister asked.

“Seriously? Why don’t we go up to the Justice Division and ask them how they got invited to an officers-only party? Think about it for a nanoklik.” Flywheels shivered just thinking about it. He’d heard Tesarus liked to put other bots through his chest. Head first.

“And we shouldn’t ask them, why?” Spinister didn’t think the Justice Division were all that scary.

“Ugh… Because you’d willingly walk up to that band of psychos and ask them something?” Crankcase folded his arms, looking annoyed. Or maybe his face had frozen again; Misfire knew that happened.

“What band of psychos would that be?” They all heard a voice behind them and turned to see who it was. Misfire squeaked.

“Err… Autobots.” Krok answered Kaon; the mech who’d appeared behind them.

“Oh, you think Autobots are that bad? I suppose their chatter gets on your nerves sometimes.” Kaon pondered for a moment.

“How come yous got invited to this and we didn’t?” Spinister pointed at the poster. Krok put his head in his hands. The other three realised Spinister’s mistake as well.

“Oh, you mean the party?” Their jaws dropped when Kaon appeared to see what Spinister was pointing to.

“Tarn got us tickets.” Kaon informed them before wandering off. Misfire and the others weren’t to know that he was sending a message to Tarn; warning him that ‘those Scavengers’ might be looking for him.

“Guess that means we’d better ask somebody in high command if we want tickets.” Misfire looked to be pondering who to ask; and went quiet.

“That’ll go over well; us nobodies walking up to one of the high command for tickets to that party.” Crankcase sarcastically remarked.

“We could challenge someone. Get them to give us tickets if we win.” Krok was bored; wishing for a mission to plan for.

“What if we lose, though?” Flywheels shivered.

“Ugh; we’ll have to do somebody else’s fragging chores!” Misfire paused.

“But then again, don’t we do that anyway?” He grinned; knowing who he wanted to challenge. Spinister could apparently read minds; as he ran off after Kaon.

“Spinister… don’t do…” Krok shut up; realising that talking to Spinister when he had one of those ideas in his head was like talking to a sheet metal wall. In fact, he’d probably get a better response from said wall.

“He’s not going to challenge the D.J.D., is he?” Flywheels looked worried.

“Probably.” Crankcase grumbled. He didn’t want to challenge them either.

“Come on. How good would it feel to stick it to them?” Misfire asked. The silence was rather telling.

“ _You_ five want to challenge _us_?” Kaon sounded rather smug; like he knew he could win this.

“Not really.” Flywheels said very quietly; he didn’t want Misfire to hear him.

“Yes.” Krok answered; muttering something that sounded like ‘apparently’ afterwards.

“I’m sure Tarn would agree; but you’ll have to wait for him to get here.” Sure enough; the Scavengers heard footsteps coming along the corridor behind them. Flywheels felt a hand on his back and turned around nervously.

“ **Greetings.** ” Flywheels jumped. He was not expecting to hear something that frightening.

“What are you scared of?” Tarn asked him.

“Yeah, Vos is just trying to be nice.” Flywheels doubted that; but decided against arguing with… He gulped. It was Tesarus who was speaking to him.

“These five want to challenge us.” Kaon folded his arms; looking rather smug.

“What for? Oh; is this about getting tickets for the party?” Krok could tell Tarn was smirking behind his mask.

“Yes.” Krok was cursing his luck at having both Misfire and Spinister wanting to take on the Justice Division.

“You laid down the gauntlet. You get to pick the challenge.” Tarn informed him.

“Paintball.” Misfire answered. Krok was stunned into silence. Tesarus and Helex started laughing. Vos was chittering away in Primal Vernacular and Kaon appeared to trying very hard to stifle giggles.

“Challenge accepted.” Tarn answered; also trying not to laugh.

“When we win, you’ll have to clean us up after the next of our battles.” Krok knew that when Tarn said ‘battles’ he meant something closer to ‘killing sprees’. Which he’d heard tended to be messy for all involved.

“And when you lose; we get to pick what costumes you’ll be wearing to this party.” Misfire grinned; apparently also thinking that he could win.

“It’s not a costume party, you know.” Kaon folded his arms; looking annoyed by the suggestion.

“Us, lose?” Helex almost choked; that thought was even funnier.

“Misfire, Kaon can aim better than you.” Tesarus looked apologetically at his team mate. Kaon didn’t appear bothered by the comment however.

“ **In that case we might not have to do anything. Misfire will win the game for us!** ” Vos remarked.

“See you in a cycle at the simulator.” Tarn appeared to be stifling giggles as well; probably at whatever Vos had said.

“Misfire… did you want to see the D.J.D. all covered in energon and who knows what other fluids?” Flywheels had no desire to see that particular brand of nightmare fuel.

“Not particularly; why?” Misfire looked confused.

“Because, genius, you can’t aim to save your life. And you’ve got to _aim_ at them to score points in paintball.” Crankcase informed him.

“Come on; let’s go get our afts handed to us.” Flywheels began to wander towards the simulator like he was heading to his own execution. The other Scavengers followed; only Misfire and Spinister eager for combat.

XxX

“Start simulation number 113.” Misfire shouted. The computer intoned ‘acknowledged’ and the air appeared to shimmer. A gun rack with ten guns in it appeared between the two groups. They noted the only differences between the guns were the colour of the cartridge attached to the bottom. The Justice Division grabbed the gun with the colour they liked; leaving five for the Scavengers to fight over. When they noted the colour of one of the cartridges, four of them quickly made their minds up. Misfire got left with that gun.

“Hey, how come I get the pink one?” He complained as he picked it up.

“ **Because we won’t get hit by it; and won’t get any pink paint on us.** ” Vos said, folding his arms. Red visors materialised over the ten mechs’ optics, or in Kaon’s case optic holes.

“The computer must have common sense; last thing you need is to get shot in the optic or optic hole.” Tarn thought, wincing at the thought of getting shot in the face. Misfire was still annoyed about being given a pink gun. A belt materialised around the waists of each of the mechs; with two cartridges on them that matched the colour of the one in their gun. The computer explained how to reload should they run out. Each of them paid attention, but idly noted what colour their opponent’s guns were. Kaon had red, Flywheels orange, Tesarus yellow, Krok green, Helex blue, Tarn purple, Misfire pink, Crankcase white, Spinister grey and Vos black. The computer told them to make their way to the coloured square matching their gun. Krok thought the positions seemed random, but made his way to the green one. Once all of them were stood in the squares; the computer told them they had one breem. A chime sounded straight afterwards and walls shot up around them; forming a maze. All but Misfire jumped; he’d done this simulation before. Vos nervously shuffled forward; he knew Misfire was somewhere in front of him, but had no idea what the maze to get to that direction looked like. All of them heard a shout and angry stomping.

_Helex must have got shot._ Kaon thought; feeling carefully along the wall. He sensed walls on three sides shortly afterwards. _A dead end. I suppose I could hide here. Nobody will find me._ He thought, putting his back to the wall in front of him. It wasn’t long before he sensed another bot on the other side of the wall at his back. _Misfire…_ Kaon grinned; turning to face the wall. Misfire nervously backed up to the wall. He hadn’t hit anybody yet; but he’d been hit by Tarn and Tesarus. He decided to hide along a dead end until the walls moved and he could get someone. He heard a claxon; indicating that one eighth of the time had passed. The walls suddenly slid away; revealing everyone’s locations. Misfire felt a shot hit him in the back and turned to see who it was. Kaon was stood behind him with a wicked smirk on his face. The walls slid up and that smirk turned to a look of fear. Kaon couldn’t sense a wall in front of him. Misfire heard the smaller mech squeal and saw him run. Misfire fired a shot that clipped Kaon’s leg; making him stumble. Kaon wondered if this was how his victims felt as he heard Misfire approach.

Krok grinned behind his mask at the noises he could hear. He only hoped Tarn could hear them too. It did sound pleasing hearing one of the Justice Division begging for mercy and none being granted; just like what was granted to their victims. He also heard yelps; probably as the mech pleading was shot. _I really hope that Misfire has that mech._ Krok thought; quickly darting around a corner as he spotted Tarn approaching. The mech wasn’t paying much attention. Krok shot him in the shoulder before hiding further around the corner. Tarn glanced around; but didn’t see who it was that shot him. He could hear Kaon pleading with someone for mercy. He idly hoped it wasn’t Misfire. He heard a claxon; marking that a quarter of the time had passed and the walls disappeared again. He spotted Spinister and Flywheels and managed to shoot both of them before the walls came back up.

_Aw… The wall came up between me and Kaon. I was enjoying that._ Misfire thought; before jumping at being shot in each arm at the same time. He glanced behind him and saw a corridor ending in a T junction. He darted along it; being amused by the curses as both of the mechs aiming at him hit each other instead. Tesarus and Helex both followed Misfire along the path and split off once more as the path split. Helex quickly found that the path he’d picked ended in a dead end. _Misfire must have gone the other way…_ He turned around and saw Flywheels blocking the path out. He got shot once; before lifting his gun to shoot back.

“Now; either I shoot you back and you move out of the way, or I’ll ram you down and shoot you like I’d imagine your useless team mate was doing to Kaon.” Flywheels shot him again; making a wicked smirk cross Helex’s face. _You asked for it._ Helex ran forward; intending to knock Flywheels down. Flywheels ran in the other direction; darting around the corner at the last second. He’d lost Helex; but felt two shots hit him in the back. _Useless team-may… oh! Misfire got Kaon! Wish I could have seen that!_  Flywheels nervously crept onward through the maze; hoping to avoid everyone else until time was up.

“ **Come out; come out, wherever you are!** ” Vos chittered. He could hear someone moving nearby and hoped it was one of those Scavengers. Preferably the one who made Kaon beg. That was needlessly cruel. He spotted Misfire around the next corner and sniggered; thinking there was no chance of being hit back. The claxon sounded just as he got his aim straight. Misfire felt three shots hit him from different directions. The walls slid up around him before he could get his aim on one of them. There was no one in sight.

“Frag. I missed my chance.” Misfire lamented; wandering along the corridor he was in now. Crankcase grumbled. He’d only seen one mech the entire time he’d been in this fragging maze and it had been fragging Misfire! Thankfully; that also meant he hadn’t been shot at either. He’d found a dead end. He grumbled again; turning around and heading back the way he’d come. He heard footsteps just around the corner. He glanced around; spotting Tesarus heading past him. _At least it’s one of them._ He thought; before running across the corridor into another; hopefully not a dead end this time. Tesarus felt a shot hit him in the back. He turned and saw a flash of blue too small to be Helex. He grinned and gave chase. Crankcase began running along the corridor faster; trying to outpace the larger mech. _Frag…_ Crankcase found a dead end. He silently wished for the claxon to sound. Unfortunately for him; it didn’t, and Tesarus rounded the corner. Crankcase lifted his gun up; aiming right at the larger mech’s optic shield. He got shot in the arm; knocking his aim off. Crankcase kept feeling shots hit his arms just as he got his aim straight. The claxon sounded after the fourth hit and he immediately dodged to the right. Tesarus growled; aiming back at the Scavenger running away. Just as he got his aim straight; the walls came back up.

_Frag. Missed. At least I got one of them back for what they did to Kaon._ Tesarus turned around and went along the corridor he was now in. Crankcase spotted Kaon facing away from him in the corridor he was now in. If he had been Misfire or Flywheels; he probably would have wolf-whistled. Most of the paint on Kaon was pink and was covering his rear. The smaller mech turned and shot at the Scavenger following him. Crankcase got hit before he had a chance to dodge. He backed up quickly; finding a wall behind him and a left turn. He ran along it; but not before getting hit again by Kaon. _How can he even aim? He’s blind!_ Crankcase thought; not thinking about where he was going. He ran into another mech; one that didn’t even jolt when he collided with him. Kaon heard the thump and made his way over to find out what had happened. He sensed Crankcase lying on the ground and… Tarn stood smugly beside the Scavenger.

“Payback time.” Kaon smirked; taking aim at the downed Scavenger. Flywheels heard grunts of pain coming from around the corner ahead. He thought it sounded familiar and decided he’d best stay hidden. A claxon sounded; making the walls all drop. Flywheels saw Kaon point his gun at him and started to dodge. A wall came up right in front of him just before the shot hit. He sighed; happy that the shot had missed. Tarn and Kaon both noted that in their attempts to get the other Scavenger, Crankcase had escaped. They headed off in opposite directions; hoping to find other Scavengers to shoot. Vos could hear footsteps just around the next bend; getting quieter. Had he been capable of it; he would have smirked. He snuck along after the mech; careful not to make a sound. He pointed his gun at them and growled. It was Tesarus.

“Oh, Misfire must have scuttled off somewhere else then. He was around here.” Tesarus remarked; heading onward. Vos went back the way he’d come. He quickly found Flywheels; again heading away from him. He chittered and scratched the wall. Flywheels jumped and turned to see who it was. He saw no one. _Then who made that sound?_ He thought, continuing on. He’d only walked two steps when he heard the scratching sound again. He turned and saw no one once more. He shivered; walking more nervously along. He heard the sound again; much closer this time. He turned around nervously. Vos shrieked; firing off a few shots from his gun. Flywheels screamed in response. He wasn’t expecting the smaller mech to be right behind him or to make a sound like a turbofox that had its tail stood on. Flywheels ran away; not looking back. Vos shot him a few more times; and then looked at the ground. He spotted an orange gun. _He must have dropped it when I startled him._ Vos picked the gun up and headed in the opposite direction to Flywheels. Flywheels saw the smaller mech pick his gun up from around the corner. _Frag, what am I going to do now? I can’t shoot anyone without my gun…_ Flywheels wished he’d thought of that before he’d run off. The claxon sounded and Flywheels spied Vos right in front of him.

“ **Come and get it, pet!** ” Vos taunted. Flywheels didn’t speak Primal Vernacular; but knew a taunt when he heard one. He ran towards the smaller mech, but a wall came up just before he could reach Vos. And he’d been shot in the chest again. He spotted a turn not far ahead. He carefully wandered along and spotted it U-turned. He headed along; finding Vos waiting for him.

“ **Catch me if you can!** ” Vos shouted, before running off along the corridor. Flywheels gave chase; hoping that this tunnel ended in a dead end. He rounded the corner and found Vos pressed up against a wall. _A dead end. Perfect._

“Either you hand over my gun, tiny; or I pound you until you give it back.”

“ **I’d like to see you try.** ” Vos answered, folding his arms. He placed the gun on the ground and took two steps forward; guarding it. He lifted his own gun and pointed it at Flywheels. The Scavenger screamed again and dived back around the corner.

“ **Coward!** ” Vos shouted; chittering in amusement. Flywheels knew he stood no chance of getting over to his gun before being shot about twenty times by Vos. He shifted involuntarily to alt mode with that thought. He quickly shifted back to bot mode and peeked around the corner. No, Vos was still stood two paces away from his gun; aiming towards where Flywheels was hiding. _I hope none of the other members of the Justice Division find me… I’m a squatting goose… no, that’s not it._ Flywheels heard the claxon sound and Vos scream. Flywheels wasn’t to know that Krok had just shot the smaller mech in the back. He saw Vos land on the ground near him.

“Flywheels, you should really take better care of your things.” Krok threw his gun back to him; then shot the member of the Justice Division trying to get back to his feet. Vos squirmed; now he had two Scavengers pointing their guns at him.

“ **Frag…** ” Krok and Flywheels knew that one from the intonation. Tarn could hear one of his subordinates pleading again; Vos this time. _I really hope that Misfire didn’t get Kaon and isn’t the one who caught Vos…_ Tarn thought, glancing around nervously. That Genericon had shot him in the centre of the mask. Genericons weren’t supposed to be able to aim that well. He decided he might be able to find his subordinate _and_ get revenge on that Genericon at the same time. Those pleads weren’t coming from that far away; just behind the wall to his right. And there was a turn that way just up ahead. He headed along and quickly found that the turn was a U-turn. He could see that Genericon shooting at Vos; with another Scavenger stood around the corner. Vos was getting both green and orange splashes. Vos spotted his leader; but didn’t comment on it. Krok felt a shot hit him in the back and he stumbled forward; blocking Flywheels’ aim. Vos used the distraction to scramble up and scurry away along the corridor. Just as both he and Tarn rounded the corner, the claxon sounded again. The walls dropped and they both pointed their guns at the Scavengers. The guns clicked when they tried to pull the trigger.

“Time’s up!” A cheerful sounding voice told them. A white square lit up in the middle of the room. All ten mechs made their way towards it. Spinister wolf-whistled; trying not to laugh too loudly at the sight in front of him.

“Nice aft Sparky.” Kaon felt his cheeks heat. He was sure his aft had to be pink; Misfire had shot it enough times.

“Make your way into the spotlight that matches the colour of your gun. You will be checked for shots from other players. These will be tallied up to give you your final scores; and then we can see who has won!” Tarn noted the voice sounded a bit like Thunderblast. The first five spotlights were red, black, purple, yellow and blue. The Justice Division each stood under their respective one; feeling some sort of wave wash over them. The spotlights dimmed and four of them noted the paint had been removed; mostly due to the lack of pink covering Kaon’s rear. Five spotlights shone not far away; orange, green, pink, white and grey this time. The Scavengers stood under the spotlights and the paint splatters were removed from them as well. The system appeared to stall for a moment; but it quickly recovered.

“The winners are team 2; orange, green, pink, white and grey! Congratulations!” The voice informed them. The shocked looks on the faces of the Justice Division said it all; they didn’t think they would lose.

“Alright! We get to attend that party!” Misfire began dancing on the spot. All five of the Scavengers then smirked at their victims. Tarn could tell that Krok and Spinister were smirking at them as well; even with the masks covering the lower half of their faces.

“And we get to dress you five up.” Misfire turned to Kaon; knowing exactly what he wanted to do to him.

“Come along, _pinkie_. I hear the humans have an animal that would be perfect for your costume!” Misfire laughed. Kaon reluctantly followed behind him; his face heating again at the reminder of what had happened. Krok put a hand under Tarn’s chin.

“Come along you, the humans have a creature that would suit you too.” Tarn whined and Krok grinned behind his mask. Spinister knew which of the remaining three he wanted to torture.

“Come here, you.” Spinister pointed at Tesarus. The larger mech looked worried and that was before he saw what Spinister was planning.

“You, here.” Crankcase pointed at Vos; a wicked smile crossing his features. Vos shivered; mumbling something in Primal Vernacular. Crankcase said ‘bah’ in response.

“Did he just say…?” Helex looked confused; he couldn’t have just heard that noise, nobody said that!

“Yeah, and I know just what I want to see you in…” Flywheels began whistling as he wandered off to find a room. Helex wrung both sets of hands as he followed behind the copter bot.

XxX

“Sit.” Misfire patted at the berth in front of him; since he was sure that Kaon would be able to sense the movement. The smaller mech climbed up and sat on the berth nervously.

“Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing.” Misfire tried out a villainous laugh. Kaon thought it sounded ridiculous; not scary at all. He also felt Misfire’s hand on his neck; then a lack of sensation in his plating.

“What did you do?!” Kaon shouted angrily at him.

“Attached an experimental chip designed to shut down a bot’s ability to feel. And obviously it works based on your reaction. Now for this one…” Misfire attached another chip.

“Now what did…?” Kaon trailed off. He couldn’t hear anything, or feel anything. And he felt helpless. Misfire _really_ didn’t want to do this bit; but Krok said it would be worse for the Justice Division when they found out. That bit done; and he was resolutely not looking, he fetched the costume parts. He attached the ears and tail; grinning at how appropriate they were. He got the spray can; happy that Sunstorm had been in for a repaint recently and they still had leftover paint. He sprayed it over Kaon’s chest, arms and legs; making sure to avoid the ears and tail. A few little finishing touches with red and brown and he just needed to stand Kaon up to pull on the last part. Misfire’s optics flashed when he saw the finished product. _That’s going on the galactic web later. He’ll never live it down!_ Misfire removed the two chips and Kaon immediately complained.

“What did you do?” Kaon growled at him; his electrical coils sparking. Misfire smiled; that was the exact effect he was going for.

“You’ll find out soon enough!” Misfire told him. He picked something up then heard a com ping from someone.

:: Have you got the…? :: Misfire interrupted.

:: Yes Krok, I got it; I’ll give it to you so you can hide it with the other four. :: Misfire told him. He was looking forward to seeing the other costumes.

“I’m going to put your hand on my shoulder. You need to follow me; we have a party to attend.” Misfire informed his reluctant follower.

“Not sure I want to go now.” Kaon informed him; feeling Misfire grab his hand and place it on his shoulder. Misfire turned and led Kaon out of the door. If any other Decepticons saw the two of them; he didn’t notice. He was heading towards where Krok was, the _adorable_ Decepticon following behind him. Well, Misfire thought he looked adorable now. He also knew that Kaon would _loathe_ that word being applied to him.

“Hiya Krok; is this what you wanted?” Misfire held up the item and Krok took it back inside the medical room he was in. Misfire had gone to a completely different area of the base to the other four and had had to wander the corridors to find them.

“Everyone ready?” He asked. Kaon stood nervously behind him. Misfire heard eight sets of footsteps and looked eagerly to the doors. He bit down on one of his fingers so as not to laugh when he saw what the others had done.

“We are _so_ getting put on their list for this!” He managed, before starting to laugh.

“It’ll be worth it though; just to see the looks on their faces!” Spinister remarked, playing with a pink floaty thing around Tesarus’ waist. Misfire noted the grey optics of the other four and realised they couldn’t see either; and were relying on the other Scavengers to lead them to where they were going.

“Shall we?” Krok asked. All five members of the Justice Division remarked ‘no’ but the Scavengers all said yes. They began walking along the corridor; heading towards the party.

“What the…?” Thundercracker managed upon seeing the ten mechs wandering along the corridor.

“Oh my Primus!” Skywarp just managed to stifle his laughter. He had no desire to be put on the Justice Division’s list.

“We _have_ to go to the party. Screamer did say we could come; if we wanted to.” Skywarp pointed out.

“I just want to get a picture of the Justice Division in those costumes!” Thundercracker began to run along the corridors; with Skywarp not far behind.

“Are you on the…? What?!” The grunt on the door looked torn between collapsing to the ground laughing and wanting to remove all traces of what he’d just seen from his memory.

“Should be, err…” Krok looked confusedly at the mech stuck on door duty.

“Blip. One of the mechs in the hierarchy found out about my spark-eater cult and this is my punishment.” He whispered; conscious of the five mechs in costume. Blip checked down the list and found the five of them on it; as well as the mechs they were leading.

“Did they lose a bet?” He asked after checking them off.

“Yes.” Flywheels informed him.

“Paintball, Kaon had a pink aft for a while.” Misfire informed Blip; pleased at the shudder he felt from the mech behind him.

“His aft looks better like that.” Blip tweaked the tail; making it wag back and forth.

“You five are so going on their list for this!” Blip laughed; he gave up trying not to.

“Worth it. So fragging worth it.” Crankcase grinned.

“Most of the officers are already in there.” Blip informed them; moving to one side. As the mechs walked past; he noted a chip on the side of the necks of the four with grey optics. _Oh, they don’t even know what they look like! This is going to be hilarious!_ Blip thought; keeping one audio to the door. He heard the noise stop dead. Inside, everyone was staring at the spectacle.

“What on Cybertron?” Megatron said; not quite quietly enough not to be heard.

“How did you convince them to wear those…?” Shockwave covered his face; trying to stifle giggles. The Scavengers preened at that. _Shockwave_ thought it was funny. And the rest of the officers couldn’t even see all of the costumes; just what was visible around the Scavenger leading the member of the Justice Division.

“They lost a bet, before anyone else asks.” Krok informed them.

“We’d better do this properly.” Spinister remarked.

“Presenting the Decepticon Justice Division…” Crankcase managed to say with a smile; before defaulting back to his usual scowl. Misfire knew it was his turn next.

“The most adorable mechs on Cybertron!” Misfire stepped out of the way; as did the other Scavengers. All of the disloyal Decepticons immediately started laughing; both at the costumes and the looks of pure rage on the faces of the Justice Division at being called adorable. The mechs who weren’t laughing yet all flickered their optics; the costumes were just too ridiculous.

“Did you lose a bet?” Megatron asked. The Scavengers could see he was trying very hard not to laugh.

“Unfortunately.” Tarn answered him, lifting a hand to rub the centre of his mask. A hand he now noted was pale peach, probably what the humans would call skin-tone.

“What did you do?” The Scavengers jolted; Tarn might have put a little of his power into that sentence. Everyone else began to laugh harder. None of the five of them knew what they looked like!

“Put you in a costume fitting to that power of yours. After all… _mermaids_ kill humans with their voices too.” Krok smirked and he saw Tarn’s optics widen behind the mask. Krok looked smugly at his handiwork. Most of Tarn had been painted skin-tone peach; with only the top of his head and down his back painted red. There was a bit of green fabric covering his legs; making them resemble a fish tail, and a pair of purple shells covering part of his chest.

“Though, I guess mer-mech is more apt for you.” Tarn thought the mech saying that was called Black Shadow; but he couldn’t be certain. He was annoyed by the fact said mech was laughing at him.

“Now, aren’t you cute?” Overlord smirked at the look Kaon turned on him. It was fun teasing the smaller mech.

“Shall I show you what happened to the last mech who called me cute?” Kaon asked; the coils on his shoulders starting to spark. The brought about laughter from every mech who saw it.

“Is the Pikachu mad? Did we upset the cutie?” Overlord teased. Kaon caught the word ‘Pikachu’ and felt his cheeks heat under the red paint. Pikachus were a lightning mouse found on Earth; a very cute small creature that liked to shock those that annoyed it. Misfire grinned; it was too perfect a choice, and they even already had the ears and tail as a result of another lost bet. Rumour had it Megatron wore them once; but there was no way he was going to tell Megatron’s fanboy that. If Kaon had been able to see; he would have saw that Misfire had painted most of his body bright yellow. He’d also put red circles on Kaon’s cheeks and brown stripes on his back; but Kaon would have needed a mirror to see that.

“Use Thunderbolt!” Misfire shouted; prompting more laughs. Kaon growled; sparks travelling along his coils again.

“Are you going to wave a wand, little mech?” Leozack made his way over to bother the smaller mech.

“ **Get melted, lion-brat.** ” Vos growled at him.

“You know, that didn’t sound very nice. Maybe the little fairy should use his wand on himself and fix that voice.” Leozack smirked; he’d saw the widening optics when he said fairy.

“Fair-ree?” Vos looked confusedly.

“Yeah, a little creature from Earth with wings that waves a wand and casts magic.” Leozack was certain the smaller mech was blushing. Crankcase seemed pleased with his handiwork as well. Vos had most of his body painted skin-tone peach, with a bit of yellow on top of his head. He had a bit of green fabric covering most of his chest and a skirt in the same colour down to about half way down his thighs. He also had green things with pompoms on them on his feet and pale yellow butterfly wings on his back.

“Gonna give us a twirl, big boy?” Deadlock asked; a wicked smirk on his face. Tesarus growled; the blades in his chest whirling.

“That’s not the twirl I meant. Spin your body around!” Deadlock showed what he meant; pirouetting on the spot. Tesarus looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“And why would _I_ want to do that?” He smirked.

“Because that’s something ballerinas like you do.” Deadlock immediately started laughing when he saw Tesarus’ face heat. He apparently knew what a ballerina was and shivered at the thought of being one. Spinister wandered over; and flicked the skirt up; prompting more giggles.

“You make quite the spectacle. You’d better dance for us, little ballerina.” Spinister got a growl in response. Spinister knew he’d hate wearing the costume he’d put on Tesarus; it was polar opposite to the tough-guy look. Again; much of Tesarus’ body was covered in peach paint with a pale yellow on the top of his head. He had a pale pink tutu around his waist and a similar coloured vest covering his chest. The tutu thankfully had coverings for the crotch area as well; also in pale pink. Spinister began whistling a tune typical of ballets, prompting more laughs.

“You’d look good on your knees.” Starscream smirked. Thundercracker and Skywarp both sniggered; that comment sounded suggestive.

“Ain’t kneeling for you.” Helex smirked. Starscream glared at him, before remembering the rest of his comment.

“I hadn’t finished speaking! You’d look good on your knees, cleaning my quarters.” Starscream informed the other mech.

“Still ain’t kneeling for you. Ain’t cleaning your quarters for you either.” Helex had a smirk crossing his features again.

“Really? I was under the impression that maids were supposed to clean for their superiors.” Starscream smirked at Helex. The other mech’s optics widened and red started to colour his cheeks. That got the seekers to laugh. Flywheels was rather pleased with the result. Again, most of Helex’s visible body had been painted peach; with his feet and top of his head painted black. A frilly black and white thing lay on top of his head, with a similarly frilly black top covering his chest. A frilly black skirt was just the cherry on top.

“Is it weird that I want to peek under the skirt?”

“And see what? Pelvic plating that is normally visible. Yes it is weird, Skywarp. You shouldn’t be having thoughts like that about _them_.” Thundercracker admonished him.

“Really don’t like this…” Helex shivered; everyone else had started laughing at him as well. It was humiliating.

“ **They painted us… to make us look… squishy!** ” Vos growled in annoyance. The remarks of how adorable they all were; were annoying the rest of the Justice Division as much as it was annoying him.

“Krok, for your sake this paint had better be the easy to remove paint that we use in simulations!” Tarn shouted at him. Some of the other mechs had been shouting at him to serenade them.

“Oh, it isn’t. I put the stuff you can use to remove the paint in a locked cupboard that I know the passcode for.”

“What?! You mean we’re stuck like this!” Tarn sounded outraged; prompting the disloyal Decepticons to laugh harder. No one would take them seriously ever again in that case!

“You don’t have to be.” Crankcase told them; a slight grin crossing his features. The Justice Division weren’t going to like this; not one bit.

“Krok can give you the passcode.” Flywheels smirked as well. The four of the Justice Division who could see should have realised something was up.

“But you have to do one thing for us.” Misfire grinned.

“What’s that?” All five of them asked at the same time. They would have found it funny; but they were feeling humiliated and annoyed at the moment.

“All of you will have realised you have fabric covering your lower half.” Spinister told them. He saw the five, slightly worried now he thought about it, mechs all nod at him.

“Remove it and we’ll give you the passcode.” Spinister sounded very smug. All of them turned to look at each other; thinking about it. All of them grabbed the fabric on their hips; prompting grins from all of the Scavengers. That should have made them realise that something was up; but somehow, it slipped their notice. Possibly from a want to be rid of the ridiculous costumes. All five of them heard wolf-whistles, catcalls and gasps of shock when the fabric lay around their ankles.

“I didn’t realise you lot were _that_ kinky.” Overlord smirked; running his tongue over his lips.

“See, that’s why it’s not weird T.C.!” Skywarp pointed at the sight before them. Thundercracker appeared to be considering whether or not to cover his optics.

“I’d ride that!” Deathsaurus remarked; indicating Tarn with his thumb. Leozack started laughing; finding that hilarious.

“Give me both of the smaller ones; I’ll show them a good time!” Black Shadow’s remark got a few laughs as well.

“Err… they can’t be getting at what I think they’re getting at, can they?” Helex shivered.

“What are they getting at?” Tarn asked; not quietly enough to not be heard by everyone else. That set quite a lot of mechs of laughing.

“Oh my fragging Primus! They don’t even know!” Starscream just about managed through his laughter.

“It’s not that warm in here; maybe they’ll sit up and take notice.” Deadlock smirked; hoping to see just that. Megatron had decided he’d best tell them; if just to spare what little remained of their dignity.

“You five are lucky there aren’t any femmes in here.” Megatron remarked.

“What does he mean by…?” Tarn figured it out and hurriedly covered what his pelvic plate should have been hiding. Gentle-mechs didn’t show that in front of femmes!

“We’ve been tricked!” Tarn growled out.

“What do you mean?” Kaon asked. Tarn was the only one who’d figured it out.

“I mean those fr… Scavengers used the fact we couldn’t see, hear or feel anything to steal our pelvic armour.” Tarn caught himself; gentle-mechs didn’t swear either. That made the other four cover themselves as well.

“Now, that’s adorable.” Misfire grinned. He could tell all five of them had to be blushing.

“I’d better tell them the passcode, hadn’t I?” Krok asked. He heard a large number of no’s; much to his amusement. Apparently; Decepticons wanted to see the Decepticon Justice Division humiliated. Krok made his way over and whispered to Tarn.

“I’ll tell you the passcode, if all five of you lift your hands above your head for a few nanokliks.” _So that mechs have long enough to get a picture of you like that._ Krok added in his head; happy that his mask covered his face. He stood behind Tarn; having no desire to be in the picture. All five of the Justice Division put their hands up; all seven pairs, and saw so many mechs’ optics flash it wasn’t funny. Tarn counted to ten in his head; hoping the other four did the same, and then covered himself back up again.

“The passcode is 220812. And now you know it; you’d better run to that medical bay, before we get some femmes along who’d like to jump you.” Krok held his laughter at all five of them scrambling to pull the fabric up and run for the door.

“You are so going on their list for this!” Starscream managed around the laughs at the Justice Division’s expense.

“Worth it. So fragging worth it.” Flywheels remarked. The other Scavengers were in agreement. Making the D.J.D. look ridiculous and flash their spikes for all of high command. Definitely worth going on the list for.

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, still have no idea what spawned this. Yes, I really did have to get that number in here; it crops up everywhere else! Flywheels means 'sitting duck' when he says 'squatting goose'; in case that wasn't clear. Tarn resembles Ariel; from The Little Mermaid, Kaon is a female Pikachu (with the heart shaped tail) and Vos resembles Tinkerbell. And of course Decepticons that haven't been to Earth think that Pikachus are a real animal! The passcode is the date that MTMTE #8 came out; i.e. the issue which had the Scavengers fight the D.J.D. in the first place. Fic title, and the reveal of the costumes, is based on the scene from Monsters University; where Oozma Kappa gets humiliated. Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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